Clinical psychologist Jennifer Taitz couldn’t find a book to help her clients cope with the trials and heartbreaks of single life — so she wrote one herself.
“There wasn’t a single book I could point clients to — with anxiety there are dozens — and say, ‘Hey, this really nicely, in a psychologically sound way, addresses how to deal with perceived rejection or dating disappointment,’” says Taitz, author of “How To Be Single and Happy: Science-Based Strategies for Keeping Your Sanity While Looking for a Soul Mate.”
Her otherwise smart, strong patients would quote outdated, anecdotal, male-oriented dating guides such as “The Game” and “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.” In her book, Taitz presents data-driven exercises that help readers navigate the tricky modern dating waters — while reminding them that being in a relationship isn’t as essential as they may believe.
Here, she shares three tips for unhappy singles.
Don’t wait for a partner
Taitz says her clients often have grand plans for their lives once they’re in a relationship — but make themselves miserable in the meantime.
“Their lives aren’t full and enriched,” she says. “They’re totally empty, waiting for someone to come fill it in.”
“Ask yourself how your life would be different in a relationship, and start living that life now,” Taitz says. Would you go out more? Think of yourself as “complete”? Start planning for the future? It’s time to take action.
These changes to a routine, which therapists call “behavioral activation,” or BA, help a patient restructure their daily lives to reach a long-term goal and bust out of a rut.